The Timeless Timekeeping And Timing Of Timepieces

I haven’t lost my mind.  By outward appearances I can understand why some people would draw that conclusion, however it is unquestionably without foundation.  The reason for my redesign of the calendar year was simply motivated by a desire to demonstrate just how silly time actually is.  I suppose I better explain myself.

The fact is that our method of measuring time is somewhat fallible.  Twice a year we gain and lose hours whilst every four years we gain an extra day.  Time is an imperfect measurement, which means that attaching any proper meaning to time is as senseless as time itself.

My first novel is about a country where time is suddenly altered, albeit temporarily.  In the background of the story I attempt to answer a number of questions about the nature of time, and how many of us would have great difficulty functioning without it.  I can already hear a number of you scoffing at the very suggestion.  The fact remains that most of you are quite probably convinced that the vast majority of what we presume to be civilisation follows the same calendar and the same ‘mean’ time, and that my friends is where the problem begins.

From the 196 countries which divide this planet only 70 utilise Daylight Saving Time which works out to roughly 36% of the Earth.  Which means it’s an idiosyncrasy on our part.  What was initially a perfectly valiant idea is now nothing more than the legacy of a time which lacked imagination.  I am all for having as much sunshine as possible, but what is the point when the vast majority of society is working during those hours.  It doesn’t matter if a person goes home when it is dark or slightly less dark.  The point is that there are plenty of alternatives.  A simple solution is for businesses and schools to open earlier.  Rather than running from 9 to 5 why not from 7 to 3?  After all we are the masters of time.

Of course just because hours are silly it doesn’t mean that days months and years are, after all we all follow the same calendar don’t we?  We follow the Gregorian calendar.  However a great number of Islamic nations follow the Hijri Calendar which counts the year as 354 days long.  Aside from having a shorter year it’s also worth bearing in mind that its 1433 and not 2012.  Then there are the hindu calendars includine Vikram Samvat, the calendar of Nepal which is already into 2068(and still no flying cars), the Shaka Samvat of India is in 1934 and the Kali Yuga which is in 5113.  Of course we must not forget when Julius Caesar got bored and did the same as me which worked out for about 1500 years until scholars realised it was 11 minutes too long.  Many Hebrews is Israel believe that they are living in the year 5772.  Not because they are barking made but because there calendar tells them so.  In China its 4649,  in Iran and some parts of Afghanistan they follow the Persian Calendar and are currently enjoying the year 1390, in Ethiopia they enjoy a 13th month and are having a merry 2004, in Thailand they are partying like its 2555 and finally we have the Bahai’s who are the furthest back in the year 168.

Time is not a solid substance, it is not real, it is an invention of man.  It is nothing more than a measurement, most commonly used to measure how quickly we die.  It is imaginary.  A man-made phenomenon.  Nobody should live a life dictated by time because there is no such thing.  It is all in our minds.  Only those of you who learn to forget about times very existence will ever be able to have the time of their lives.

To assist those of you willing to relinquish the shackles of time I have composed a short phrasebook with appropriate translations.

I didn’t have time – Your request was not sufficiently interesting enough for me to break my everyday routine.

In my free time I like to – The things I actually enjoying doing are…..

It was a waste of time – It was as much fun as being mounted by a wild bull elephant.

There is no time like the present – I suppose I/We should do it now despite the fact it gives me as much pleasure as sitting a top a porcupine.

Time is money – If you wish for me to continue listening to your pathetic ramblings you better pay me.

Time flies when you are having fun – Please don’t continue with your story, although your anecdotes are occasionally witty, if you continue with this one I shall be forced to set fire to your face.

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