#PiSlamistan is Here

In support of #BlackMonday the biggest social protest in the recent history of Poland I am releasing a novelette entitled #PiSlamistan for absolutely bugger all.

To show my solidarity with the thousands of women that are demonstrating for the right to decide the fate of their own bodies I’ve written a short satire with the intention of raising a few very important questions.

Onwards to the unveiling:



#Pislamistan is available in a number of ways:

You can get a number of ebook formats from Smashwords

A PDF from Goodreads

You can read it in your browser on Wattpad 

And download the file directly from FileDropper

*is now available directly from iTunes

Scribd subscribers click here

Nook Readers can get it via Barnes & Noble

If  you happen to like what you read, please share it and help raise awareness of the #CzarnyProtest #BlackProtest

Feel free to tweet me @ScottPoland pictures of yourselves reading this story with the hashtags #CzarnyProtest and #PiSlamistan

The cover image was created in cooperation with the fantastic young Polish photographer Maciek Wojciechowski.  Feel free to tweet him some love @MaciekWojciech  and check out his awesome work at maciekwojciechowski.com/

#CzarnyProtest #BlackProtest #CzarnyPoniedziałek #BlackMonday

The Blackest of Protests

This morning the Polish Parliament voted on a new anti-abortion law that will make it easier to host a Nazi parade in the centre of your capital city than it will be for a woman to get an abortion.  This is abhorrent, indefensible and insane for a country which already hosts some of the most stringent anti-abortion laws in Europe itself.

For all intents and purposes it will be illegal for a Polish woman to have an abortion unless her own life is threatened.  This will exclude dozens of quite horrendous medical conditions, rape and sexual abuse and somewhat adequate explanations as to why any woman would wish to have the free will to decide what is best for her in the 21st century.

This comes at a time when there is a struggle for identity upon our continent.  Where Poles have been targeted for assault and abuse due to their nationalities.  Now Polish women in their own country face a significant loss in their ability to dictate their own fate, and we can at least make them feel less alone.  It is time for those of us that have encountered, admired and been somewhat bewitched by Polish women to stand up with them and say ‘Poland, if you don’t want them, we will happily take them somewhere they can have a say in their own destinies!’


My Jewish Communist Croustade

Recently my adopted homeland, Poland, has been in the news for all of the wrong reasons.  It has been distressing to watch a country that I love fall into the hands of the lunatics once again.  If you wish to read a little more about what’s going on in Poland, this is a great place to start: ‘The mutiny of the lemmings’.

Unfortunately, experience has proven that lunacy encourages lunacy.  Despite frequently tweeting bits and bobs about Poland, recently I have somehow found myself the target of Polish trolls. Check out the following example.

The sad fact is that a government which is openly bigoted, antisemitic, homophobic and racist only promotes such behaviors as socially acceptable. It is only further proof of the social regression taking place in Poland.

Now as an outed Communist and Jew, despite never having grown a full beard or worn sandals, or shared a sandwich, or fed the five thousand with the sandwich that I had previously refused to share, I feel like I should do my level best to be the very caricature which the trolls desire.

Therefore, I shall now present you with a poem about the bourgeoisie and Yahweh entitled:

My Jewish Communist Croustade

A tin pot dictator,

Sits atop a demagoguery of hate,

Whilst the secret puppet master,

Throws around his weight,

There ain’t no higher power,

Than this devil in disguise,

That never settled down,

Prefers the company of guys,

Oh in the kingdom of bigots,

A dwarf leads the way,

Where you must watch who your friends are,

And watch what you might say.

Unrequited paranoia,

Is a life in quite a state,

Where there is no discussion,

And there is no debate,

There ain’t no higher court,

This is a terrifying fact,

All the power in this country,

Belongs to one man and his cat.




Goodbye Poland I’m Offski

In around two weeks time I will be packing my life into something transportable and bidding farewell to Poland and its people. After nine long years it feels somewhat unbelievable that I am really leaving. I know what I should be feeling is excitement. I should be looking to the future, spewing clichés about new chapters, rebirths and other such Buddhist nonsense. However I am not, I will be leaving Poland with a heavy heart as Poland has somehow become my home.

I am not for one minute suggesting that Poland is paradise. Far from it in fact. It is a nation so woven with contradictions that I have never openly witnessed such pliable truths. It is a land of harsh winters, cabbage obsession, catholic repression and open xenophobia. It is a land of proud people who aren’t quite proud enough to go the extra mile. It is a land of Christians who  proudly rejoice in their neighbors misfortunes. And it is a land where some of the most repulsive disgusting voices get elevated to public office.

That’s not to say it is all bad either. It is a stunning country gifted with an abundance of geographical treasures. The people are largely hospitable and kind (if there is vodka somewhere nearby). It is a country with an incredible history if you can somehow navigate the minefield of nationalist propaganda which surrounds it. And most of all it is a nation of hopeless optimists and incurable romantics.

Throughout all my years here,there has been one pervasive theme. Frustration. Progress has been incredibly slow , in part caused by the corruptible hand of bureaucracy and most often by sheer incompetence. Very little has actually changed, and those things that have, have been farcical in their execution. Sadly this trend is likely to continue for the foreseeable future.

As I wave farewell to you my dear Polska I have three wishes for you my dear. The first is that your people start taking pride in the beauty you possess and stop desecrating your body because they are too lazy to find a bin. The second wish is that your people recover from their phobias, as in all honesty, nowadays they have nothing to be afraid of. And thirdly that your government takes the vote from the over sixty-fives and closes your churches. Perhaps then, and only then you will be ready to take a great leap forwards.

Very Broad Indeed

It’s just another update but this one is slightly different, as it’s not only about book availability, it’s also about how I am broadening my horizons to help me on my path to world domination.  Or something like that.

The first thing I would like say contains three words and will probably make some of you make the same noise Scooby Do does when he is puzzled – ‘Danish Coffee Festival’.  I can hear how hard you are scratching your head from here.  Stop it, before it bleeds.    As part of the Festival which takes place in Copenhagen on the 8th and 9th of September the organisers have asked people to send in stories relating to anything and everything connected with coffee.  So I did.  You can read it here.  Entry is free to everyone, so if you have anything to say about coffee, why not submit?  After all, it is the name of black liquid magic.

The next item on the agenda is that it is true, I have started a football career.  That is football writing.  I could have been a Premier League footballer if it wasn’t for the fact that I have no desire to pay pvc clad Grandmothers for sex.  Therefore I have settled on writing football.  My first article is already on-line at a website called State of the Game.  You can read my debut article here.

I know a number of people have been asking me when ‘Existence Is Futile’ will finally be available in Poland.  I am delighted to say NOW!  Today I discovered that it is available on Kraina Ksiazek .  On the subject of the ‘Existence Is Futile’ paperback, I have to say that it is spreading through Scandinavia like rumours of a new celebrity sex video on the internet.  The awfully nice chaps at cdon.com have made it available on cdon.no, cdon.se, cdon.dk and cdon.fi.  It’s also available via another vendor in Finland – bookplus.fi  Incidentally if you happen to read any stories in the papers about a rise in the suicide rate in Finland, it has absolutely nothing to do with my book.

The first reviews of ‘Existence Is Futile’ are starting to dribble through on the electronic superhighway, and so far have been mostly positive.  If you have read ‘Existence Is Futile’ or ‘The Story of Albert Ross’ and have enjoyed them, please try to find the time to write a review, as they help me immensely.  Also I would like to remind all of you that the photo competition on Facebook is still in effect.  No winner will be declared until the 8th of September.  All you need to do is to take a photo of yourself reading ‘Existence Is Futile’ in an unusual or imaginative situation, upload it to Facebook and tag the ‘Existence Is Futile’ group.  So get snapping.  Let’s see how creative you lot really are.  Until next time.

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