The Struthio Camelus Socio Medius, better known as the Social Media Ostrich is remarkable for an Ostrich, as it is in no way related to any other Ostriches. The Social Media Ostrich is a subspecies of the Humanas Wankerus, better known as Homo Sapiens.
The diet of Social Media Ostriches consists of absolutely anything, as long as it can be consumed whilst sitting in front of a computer or operating an app on a mobile telephone. When its world view is threatened the Social Media Ostrich will bury its head in the sand. If cornered it will attack with explicit language and poorly thought out arguments.
The Struthio Camelus Socio Medius can be identified by two distinct behaviours:
- Regularly sharing chain statuses about social issues with absolutely no intention of devoting any of their time or money to tackle the problem.
- Repeatedly taking offence at nonsensical issues.
If you ever find yourself in the same room as a Struthio Camelus Socio Medius I recommend exiting via the nearest window, irrespective of whichever floor you happen to be on, as any injuries you sustain will be a great deal less painful than a conversation with a Social Media Ostrich. If ever you find yourself stranded in the Social Media Ostrich’s natural habitat, the internet, there are a few things you can do to protect yourself. Never travel the electronic superhighway in groups of less than three. If face to face with an enraged Struthio Camelus Socio Medius try to change the subject as quickly as possible to something less threatening, like anything involving kittens. And if you find yourself the subject of a direct attack from a Social Media Ostrich the only thing you can do is ram hot pokers through your eyeballs. It will not protect you from the attack but will at least prevent you from ever reading their meaningless diatribe.
Until the United Nations is willing to take action against these vicious creatures, millions of people’s lives will be affected every day. At least 3 billion working hours will be wasted this year by people reading the spurious bile regurgitated by these monsters. This situation must be stopped. That’s why I am asking each and every one of my readers to share this blog post on all social media forums and then do absolutely nothing about it again, not even think about it for a moment. This way, we can change the world as much as Social Media Ostriches do.
N.B Feathered Ostriches do not actually bury their heads in the sand, it is a total fallacy. When an Ostrich feels threatened it will do the same as we do, run. However when an Ostrich is cornered and has no escape it turns into a kick boxing champion. An Ostrich can kick hard enough to kill a full-grown lion. Apparently Chuck Norris is approximately 62.5 percent Ostrich.