Tag: social media

Dear Facebook

As people age they change.  As do social networks.  Sometimes for the best, sometimes for the worst.  The key difference between a human being and a social network is that the human being doesn’t have much impact on how they change, whilst a social network has a creative group of people who decide what changes should be made in the future.

I have tried to be fair.  I wanted to make sure that my reaction to the new Facebook was not just a knee jerk reaction, like when your wife comes home with a new haircut.  I wanted to be sure that you are the same you.  I wanted to ensure that my criticism is fully justifiable.  And well wouldn’t you know, I feel it is.

First off the bat I would like to point something out which perhaps someone in your HQ may not have considered.  I applaud your efforts in increasing the privacy of your users.  However if what people what is more privacy, then why use fucking social networks in the first place.  It is a simple choice, which doesn’t require any damn groups to make it easier.

I have no idea why you think lists are a great idea.  In a world where we are often criticised for being judgemental, you are in effect forcing us to pigeon-hole every single person I have met.  It is completely unneccessary.  If someone who isn’t a friend/school friend/lives in your area tries to add you, you can use a little black magic.  What you have to do is rip a chicken’s head of its living body, smother your naked body in its blood, put its entrails on your head and dance along aisle three of your local supermarket.  And when you get home select ignore.

I appreciate respect for innovation.  I suspect that you have grossly overrated your competition.  The similarities between your lists and Google+ circles are quite obvious.  However again it appears that you failed to notice one thing.  Nobody uses Google+.  There is only one thing worse than imitating someone else and that is imitating something which is significantly worse than you.

My point is Facebook that I loved you the way you are.  Part of your success was due to your simplicity.  In the era of cross platforming, simplicity is even more vital now than ever.  Maybe it’s because I am old.  Or too dumb or too slow to appreciate it.  One thing I would appreciate is one simple button in the settings marked Old Version.  That way you could give people the choice and find out exactly how the masses feel about your changes.

Waxing Lyrical

One of the nightmares caused by the invention of social media is the given ability to demonstrate your bad taste to a wider circle of people.  Whether it be the ability to show add videos to your profile or just the texts you write, the point is now its even easier to show what an absolute Muppet you are.  When I was young, trendy and hip, and needed to make an arse of myself I would go to a party, with a much smaller circle of friends and do or say something embarrassing.  Now all you need to do is copy paste something into the appropriate area.

This 21st century of magic has grown at phenomenal speed.  The major issue with any interactions involving these modern forms of communication is that there are not any rules.  All social rules have been tossed out the window.  It’s perfectly acceptable to write on your friends wall, just underneath his Mum’s comment, it weren’t as funny as the time he took it in the bottom from a lady boy on a lads holiday of Thailand.  There are no rules.  It’s like a jungle out there in cyberspace.  Except there aren’t any animals.  Or trees.  Or remote tribes fighting for their way of life.

One common phenomena which appears to be growing as a standard social media norm is the quoting of song lyrics.  Rather than thinking up something original about how you are feeling you can quote the latest pop singing r and b sensation Arsehole MacDouglas new song ‘Yeah bitches,yeah,yeah,yeah.’ or something equally meaningful.  It would be interesting if the same people used lyrics from different styles of music to demonstrate their emotions but they don’t.  It means it works as a great system of categorizing people.  I understand the urge to share videos but I find the lyric culture a little weirder.  Saying that not so long ago I was disgusted to find that I did the exact same thing.  It was during the riots in Britain that I thought I would try to dazzle my friends by giving them a particularly smart quote to see if I could join the cult of song lyrics.  The song which came to mind was ‘Thatcher Fucked The Kids’ by Frank Turner.  The quote in question was;

‘Whatever happened to childhood?
We’re all scared of the kids in our neighborhood;
They’re not small, charming and harmless,
They’re a violent bunch of bastard little shits.
And anyone who looks younger than me
Makes me check for my wallet, my phone and my keys,
And I’m tired of being tired out
Always being on the lookout for thieving gits.’

So there I was, proud that I had posted a witty social comment using lyrics from a song I love.  I awaited the clamor of comments.  The pat on the back for identifying a song which spoke to the zeitgeist of that moment.  Instead I got an old school friend who commented;

“You was a violent little shit at school lol”

And the moment was gone.  Ruined.  Broken by reminiscence.  Perhaps I am too old to quote songs.  Or maybe it’s a more feminine thing to do.  What I can be sure of is that it’s a phenomenon I don’t understand and I certainly don’t know the rules to and that above all, fascinates me.