The Future of Brexit

It was the year 2345. #Brexit still has not been agreed. In the Peoples Democratic Republic of #Corbyn the people are starving and wandering the streets aimlessly, wondering if we are racist, xenophobic or anti-semitic?

The national GDP has shrunk to size 8 trousers. Medication no longer exists. The path to Dover is littered with the cobwebbed corpses of HGVs, their drivers’ mere skeletons. All food apart from the humble lettuce has disappeared from supermarket aisles.

We are both in and out and in and out of the #EU which now encompasses three-fifths of the Earth. The #EU parliament is now located in 365 cities. Relocating every day. Straight bananas are now legal. Bent bananas are now contraband.

The ghostly corpse of Boris Johnson haunts the corridors of Westminster, howling I told you so. The NHS no longer operational, now treats every disease with a cup of tea, made from the skin of untreated eczema patients.

Super Gonorrhoea has trebled in strength. It is now Spectacular Gonorrhoea. The constant stream of immigrants long dried up as poverty takes hold across the land. The legal tender, Adidas clothing, replaced the crippled pound over two hundred years prior.

Nigel Farage is alive and well and spends each day in speakers corner, gibbering about foreigners and dribbling on his own shoes.

As we face the end of what we once knew it suddenly dawns on all of us. They were all right. We are richer and poorer. Sicker and healthier. We are in and out. We are #Brexit, we chant in unison, as we follow the guidance of our leaders and begin eating each other’s brains.

The Non-stop Dancer is available

Ladies and Gentlemen, and all of you that are bored as you shuttle between work and polling stations, I have some good news, I can offer you something to read.

To commemorate the wonderful day in which the nation of Great Britain gets to choose between a turd sandwich, a turd roll, a turd panini and a turd baguette, I have decided to publish a #Brexit themed short story entitled ‘The Non-stop Dancer’.

For those of you that do eBooks you can get it here from #Smashwords

For those of that think you are man enough to read it in one go(it takes around 26 minutes) you can read it here on #Medium

And for those of that don’t eBook and would like to read it in digestible chunks, you can read it here on #Wattpad

All that’s left for me to say is go forth and read it.  If you like it, share it.  And if you love it, or hate it, you let me know what you think by leaving a review right here on #Goodreads

Enjoy

 

#PiSlamistan is Here

In support of #BlackMonday the biggest social protest in the recent history of Poland I am releasing a novelette entitled #PiSlamistan for absolutely bugger all.

To show my solidarity with the thousands of women that are demonstrating for the right to decide the fate of their own bodies I’ve written a short satire with the intention of raising a few very important questions.

Onwards to the unveiling:

pislamistan_cover_full

 

#Pislamistan is available in a number of ways:

You can get a number of ebook formats from Smashwords

A PDF from Goodreads

You can read it in your browser on Wattpad 

And download the file directly from FileDropper

*is now available directly from iTunes

Scribd subscribers click here

Nook Readers can get it via Barnes & Noble

If  you happen to like what you read, please share it and help raise awareness of the #CzarnyProtest #BlackProtest

Feel free to tweet me @ScottPoland pictures of yourselves reading this story with the hashtags #CzarnyProtest and #PiSlamistan

The cover image was created in cooperation with the fantastic young Polish photographer Maciek Wojciechowski.  Feel free to tweet him some love @MaciekWojciech  and check out his awesome work at maciekwojciechowski.com/

#CzarnyProtest #BlackProtest #CzarnyPoniedziałek #BlackMonday