No News Is…

Right, first up I want to let you know that like Lazarus, I have arisen.  Turns out it wasn’t my deathbed after all, it was just my bed.  Therefore it’s safe to say I’m not dead.  However it’s -7 degrees outside, so even if I was dead it’s so fucking cold that I probably wouldn’t notice.  I know what your thinking.  How charmingly British?  First post for ages and he is already talking about the weather.  I’m not.  I’m talking about not being dead, got it?

Not much has happened on the ‘Existence Is Futile’ front, apart from 1,500+ people liking the book’s Facebook page.  Which is pretty awesome.  What would be more awesome is if some of these people bought themselves a copy of my book.  If you’ve already read it, I have something for you to do.  Review it.  The best way to support my book is to share your opinion about it with the world anywhere you can.  If not the story of Professor Henry Tomlinson will never be anything other than a silent and deadly fart trapped in the anus (yes anus) of history.

In other news I have been sidetracked again from editing my other novel.  It is difficult to return to a project which has been put to one side for so long.  Still I hope to pick up the pace after Christmas (bah humbug) and have it ready to send out in spring.  There is a legitimate reason for this delay.  Recently I was offered the chance to embark on an exciting new project in an entirely new and unforeseen direction.  For now I am loath to say more about it, until it is officially completed.  What I can say is that I am sure it will surprise a lot of people.  Incidentally it is not a sex change, I am not learning the bagpipes, and despite what the Russian newspapers say I am not the new prima ballerina in the Bolshoi Ballet.   For now you’ll have to remain patience, I will reveal more here when the time is right.

Busy As A Beaver

Apologies for my lack of posting, but I’m afraid normal life has started to get in the way once more.  I am as busy as a beaver.  Well I’m not really as I haven’t been building any dams lately.  Nor have I ever come to think of it.  Nor am I likely to.  As to tell the truth, I’ll never give a dam.

What I have actually been busy with is a new job.  On top of that I have also started learning to drive.  Between those two pursuits alone, I have very little free time.  And mostly I am spending the little free time I have, grunting and scratching my bottom as opposed to doing anything productive.  Except the blog post I wrote on

Sadly, at least for the short-term, this is most likely going to be the pattern of my (futile) existence.  And on the subject of existence I would like to thank those of you that have reviewed ‘Existence Is Futile’ on both Amazon and Goodreads.  It’s been a pleasant surprise to receive such positive feedback, and it really means a lot that you guys took the time to share your opinions.  So keep them coming.

Very Broad Indeed

It’s just another update but this one is slightly different, as it’s not only about book availability, it’s also about how I am broadening my horizons to help me on my path to world domination.  Or something like that.

The first thing I would like say contains three words and will probably make some of you make the same noise Scooby Do does when he is puzzled – ‘Danish Coffee Festival’.  I can hear how hard you are scratching your head from here.  Stop it, before it bleeds.    As part of the Festival which takes place in Copenhagen on the 8th and 9th of September the organisers have asked people to send in stories relating to anything and everything connected with coffee.  So I did.  You can read it here.  Entry is free to everyone, so if you have anything to say about coffee, why not submit?  After all, it is the name of black liquid magic.

The next item on the agenda is that it is true, I have started a football career.  That is football writing.  I could have been a Premier League footballer if it wasn’t for the fact that I have no desire to pay pvc clad Grandmothers for sex.  Therefore I have settled on writing football.  My first article is already on-line at a website called State of the Game.  You can read my debut article here.

I know a number of people have been asking me when ‘Existence Is Futile’ will finally be available in Poland.  I am delighted to say NOW!  Today I discovered that it is available on Kraina Ksiazek .  On the subject of the ‘Existence Is Futile’ paperback, I have to say that it is spreading through Scandinavia like rumours of a new celebrity sex video on the internet.  The awfully nice chaps at have made it available on,, and  It’s also available via another vendor in Finland –  Incidentally if you happen to read any stories in the papers about a rise in the suicide rate in Finland, it has absolutely nothing to do with my book.

The first reviews of ‘Existence Is Futile’ are starting to dribble through on the electronic superhighway, and so far have been mostly positive.  If you have read ‘Existence Is Futile’ or ‘The Story of Albert Ross’ and have enjoyed them, please try to find the time to write a review, as they help me immensely.  Also I would like to remind all of you that the photo competition on Facebook is still in effect.  No winner will be declared until the 8th of September.  All you need to do is to take a photo of yourself reading ‘Existence Is Futile’ in an unusual or imaginative situation, upload it to Facebook and tag the ‘Existence Is Futile’ group.  So get snapping.  Let’s see how creative you lot really are.  Until next time.

God Save The President

This is just a quick update to let those of you across the pond know that ‘Existence Is Futile’ is now available via America’s biggest and best bookstore Barnes & Noble.  For the Brits it’s the equivalent of WH Smith, and for the Poles it’s like Empik.

To celebrate the availability of my book in the good old U.S.A, here is a list of three things I love about America

  1. It rhymes with Angelica
  2. Chuck Norris
  3. Cowboy movies which aren’t gay.

It’s great news as I have always been a massive fan of the land of the brave and thought that Americans are all rather lovely, especially those of them that like to read books which are inclusive enough to include a ninja.

God bless America.

9/8/12 – I woke up this morning to discover that Barnes & Noble have also listed ‘The Story of Albert Ross

An Apple A Day…

My first announcement should make a few of you happy.  A number of you apple-junkies have been feeling incredibly left out.  Not any longer.  I am pleased to announce that ‘The Story of Albert Ross’ is now available on I-Tunes.  Now go forth and download my friends, and hopefully enjoy.

In other news, ‘Existence Is Futile’ is now listed on and  The bad news is that it is not yet in stock.  That does not stop you from ordering it, to encourage them to speed up a little.  Best of all is the fact that Amazon delivers to a number of countries(including Poland and Denmark).  The most bizarre fact of all is that on both sites someone has listed ‘used’ copies.  Curiously those copies do not yet exist.  That’s what you call forward planning.

My last announcement relates to  For those of you that don’t know Goodreads is a book rating website, something similar to what IMDB does for films.  You log in, rate what you’ve read, review if you wish, plan what you are going to read, see what your friends are reading and you can even follow authors you like.  There is no need to sign up anymore as you can link Goodreads directly to your Facebook profile.  Why is that of interest?  Because you can now find my profile, a page for ‘Existence Is Futile’ and a page for ‘The Story of Albert Ross’ on Goodreads.  If you already use it, you know what to do.  If you don’t, consider joining, if you do, find me.  If you’ve read something I’ve written, review it.  If not, add it to your to-read list.  Why?  Because it will help me, and more importantly it will help share these stories.  Go on, you know you want to.