Mourning Morning Is On Sale

Here it is.  D-Day.  ‘Mourning Morning’ is no longer just mine.  Before I begin my descent into post-publishing depression let me share the details with you.

‘Mourning Morning’ will, at least for the time being, be available exclusively via Amazon.  You can buy a paperback, or for you modern kids, an eBook.  The good news for those of you that are members of Kindle Prime you can now borrow the book for no cost.  It is also enrolled in the Kindle MatchBook scheme which means that if you buy the Paperback you will have the opportunity to buy the eBook at a much reduced rate.

All that is left is for me to share the links:

Buy ‘Mourning Morning’ paperback

Buy ‘Mourning Morning’ for Kindle

And once you’ve read it don’t forget to leave a review on Goodreads..

‘Mourning Morning’ on Goodreads

 

 

An Announcement More Massive Than Jungle

Ladies and Gentlemen, and the rest of you that fall somewhere along the bell curve:

It gives me great pleasure to offer you this short video presentation for your delectation. Please sit back, turn the lights down, turn the volume up, and get ready for the most magnificent news the human race has had since the invention of bacon.

If per chance, you like the video please share it.  Share it on Facebook, Twitter, in conversations, with family, with friends and most importantly with people you don’t know.

Feel free to leave any comments you may have below and to nominate me for an Oscar, if you really feel the need.

 

 

Much Ado About Nothing

I have been quieter than a mouse with a throat infection as of late, as there really hasn’t been that much going on. However there have been some bits and pieces and that is reason enough to write a short post.

First up, on a personal note I am relieved to have finally passed my driving test.  I have spent most of the last week visiting family in England, which was strange considering I am now qualified to drive on the other side of the road. One of life’s little ironies I guess.

I would also like to give a special mention to one of my favourite places in England, Trentham Monkey Forest.  It is exactly what it says it is. A forest full of monkeys.  Seriously, is there anybody on earth who wouldn’t actually enjoy that?

On the subject of hedonistic pleasures, I finally got to see ‘Frog’n’Dog’ perform one of my songs live.  The song in question is entitled ‘Seventh Circle’ and is about Satan’s take on a number of recent conflicts.  It was a somewhat surreal experience, but one that I look forward to repeating.  All I can tell you about it is that the song is clearly awesome, and that you will have to wait a few more months to hear it.  Intrigued?  Then why not like  ‘Frog’n’Dog’ on Facebook to stay ahead of the crowd.

I also have a little news regarding everyone’s a certain book about old men and ninjas, namely.. if any of you out there would like to get a free copy of the ‘Existence Is Futile’ eBook, you will have a chance this coming Sunday. The ‘Shut Up & Read’ group on Goodreads will be giving away copies in exchange for reviews.  The best thing of all is that they don’t even have to be good ones ;P  All you have to do is log on to Goodreads (you can do that by linking your Facebook account) join the group, and keep your eyes open on Sunday when they post the link to ‘Existence Is Futile‘.  The whole process could not be simpler.

I can also happily announce that I have finished editing my next book (my solo part anyway).  I have given it to my must trusted eagle-eyed hyphenator-in-chief to give it the once over.  I have also submitted it to one publisher in the U.K. and am back to the business of waiting around and scratching my bottom and glancing nervously at my to-do list.  Until next time, be good.

April Foolishness

Yesterday, as most of you are aware, was April Fools’ Day.  Therefore I must point out that my post about ‘Vampires Love Sausage Too’ was a joke.  I don’t know whether I should be proud or ashamed of the fact that roughly 10% of you lovely, lovely people clicked on the pre-order link.  For your sakes I hope it was nothing more than morbid curiosity which drove you to such silliness.

Keeping with my tradition of trying to keep my blog posts informative, I would like to inform you that I have almost nothing to inform you about.  Only that Alejandro Elbuho has moved to a new Internest.  Until next time, make love not war.

Announcing My New Book

Ladies and Gentleman, I am delighted to announce my new book ‘Vampires Love Sausage Too’ will be released on May 28th by Twickenham Press.  Rather than rant too much about how brilliant I am, why not just read the extract below.

“Is that a sausage in your mouth or are you just pleased to see me?”  Count Yussuf Larkee turned around to see a man dressed as a biker, wearing more leather than the average cow, attired with a handlebar moustache of such dimensions that it looked as if the mans lips were struggling to bear the weight of it.  The Count knew that it was now or never.  Could he tell?  Should he tell?  Inside he felt it would be wonderful if he could, even momentarily unburden himself from his secret.  But how could this man understand?  This pulsating, sweating stinking man know what it feels like to spend your whole life living a lie?  Surely there was no one on earth who felt the way he did. Something clicked in his mind, and with all the assurance of a Dodo on a diving board he took a deep breath and did the unspeakable.

“No, it’s the severed arm of a car crash victim I picked up earlier.  I’m not eating it by the way, I’m just sucking the blood out of it.  See, I’ve, erm I mean I’m, well, I, am a…”‘  mumbled the Count weakly.

”Where did you buy that sparkly eye make up, you look so good I could eat you?”‘  Before he could utter a word in response, the Count’s nerves took control and he turned into a bat.

‘Vampires Love Sausage Too’ tells the story of the first vampire to come out of the closet.  It features sequins, stereotypes, awful writing, no plotline to speak of and a great deal of homo-eroticism.  In other words it’s guaranteed to be an instant hit.  If you don’t believe me check out the great cover design some bloke, somewhere in a dark cubicle of an office made for me.

vampires

And if that doesn’t convince you, here are a few reviews from some well-known celebrities that I have never ever met and have definitely never read this book.

”A brilliantly, original concept.  If only I had Scott Andrews’ wonderful imagination.” – Stephanie Meyer

This will do to gayness what Harry Potter did for nerdiness.” – Stephen Fry

I am so proud of my son.” – Pope Francis I

You can pre-order the book direct from the publisher by clicking on this link

So there you have it, get ordering, get sparkly and get ready.  Thank you in anticipation of your support, and I look forward to your feedback.  I’m sure together we can make ‘Vampires Love Sausage Too’ a bestseller.