My Disappearing Act

I haven’t posted anything for a month for two reasons.  The first is that I have been busy editing novel number two.  The second is that real life has been getting in the way.

Between various trips, visitors and damn right boring responsibilities I have had very little time to think.  After living that way for a number of weeks I have found that I am drowning in a sea of passive indifference.  It’s as if I finally understand what it is to feel normal.

In the past month I have discovered that Harold and Maude is a fantastic film, Danish people eat spunk Yes, really....and that I can’t decide if I am indecisive or not.

As Poland steels itself for EURO 2012 I must take my hat off to the homeless bums of Warsaw.  In the past few weeks many of them have managed to get their hands on a pair of crutches in time for the tournament.  Sadly the bums have shown a greater aptitude for innovation than the organisers.  If only they could have planned the whole tournament…..

That’s all for now I shall leave you with Poland’s official song for EURO 2012 Koko Koko Euro Spoko (Yes, really…)

Oh My Gods’ Part 2 Of 3

Part 2 of my attempt to build a more rational year.

May is named after the Greek goddess of fertility Maia.  Was May originally a month of orgies and debauchery?  I have no idea.  However one thing I am certain of is that both the Romans and the Greeks were dirty old perverts so its more than possible.  Or perhaps it was the month in which women laid with their husbands in an attempt to get pregnant.  Any which way it was a month devoted to filth, and I am all for it.

June is named after the Roman goddess Juno, wife of Jupiter.  That’s right she was famous for being a wife.  Essentially she was the Roman religious equivalent of a minister without a portfolio.  She tended to fill in the bits which they didn’t yet have a goddess for.  Her most amusing epithet relates to her central role as the Goddess of marriage – ‘she who loosens the bride’s girdle’.  It’s on these grounds that I am stripping her of her month.  June is as pointless as Juno and hereby removed from the Scottorian calendar.

July was greatly messed about with and eventually named in tribute of Julius Caesar.  A man so loved that he was murdered by his own senate.  This set me thinking and I believe I have found a great way of getting the crime rate down.  In a tribute to Caesar we should allow murders for the month of July.  This way people can get it out of their systems.  Rather than risk going to prison the rest of the year, they will instead spend eleven months planning it.  We can rename it Midsomer Murder Month.

August was originally named Sextillis, which is my mind is a far superior name.  Eventually it was renamed in honour of another emperor Augustus, as it was during this calendar month when he conquered Egypt.  A month named after a man who no one has ever made a film about is absolutely pointless.  The fact that it has nothing to do with sex, doorways or cabbage also displeases me greatly, therefore I am going to revert back to its original name.

Lets recap the new Scottorian calendar





Midsomer Murder Month


Each of these months shall contain an extra ten days, this way no one will even notice the disappearance of April and June.

Tune in next time for September, October, November, December

All research taken from Wikipedia