Rejections Are Like Buses

I spent most of yesterday feeling pretty sorry for myself.  After spending a great deal of time beavering away on my novel, all I had to show from 3 submissions was 1 rejection which informed me that my submission was not suitable.  Inevitably I spent the vast majority of the day desperately over analysing the curt response which I had received.  The only conclusion which I could arrive at was that it was clear that my novel is rubbish.

By the time I returned home, thoroughly defeated and deflated, I was able to put my feelings to the back of my mind.  From time to time cooking is massively therapeutic to me and I soon found myself suitably sedated by the waft of my Jack Daniels glaze drifting up from the pieces of deceased bovine which sat in my griddle pan.  I sat myself down in front of my laptop, glass of red wine one side, my steak sandwich the other and instantly noticed that I had mail.  When I opened it I was stunned to find my 2nd rejection of the day.

The reason I am rambling slightly and providing far too many details is to try to get my point across.  I had managed to find an inner calm which would have made the buddha jealous.  I felt nothing,  I found myself grinning like an idiot, yet expecting the worse.  It was one of those moments where you can only laugh at what a son of bitch life can be sometimes.

When I read the email I was stunned.  Indeed it was a rejection, and it made me smile.  The reason was that it was something more than a generic thanks but no thanks.  It was personalised, it was encouraging and most importantly of all it felt honest.  Whether it was or not I shall never know as I don’t expect that I will ever meet the person behind it.

As the owner of an exceedingly obsessive mind I cannot pretend I haven’t combed over every word trying to find meaning where there is none.  What makes it ever harder is that I am a natural pessimist.  Despite that, the 2nd rejection has somewhat calmed me.  An experience is the sum total of what a person takes from it.  I am trying to take it at face value.

I will continue with my plan and I will send it to the next agency on my list.  In the meantime I shall finish my current project.  When I started the submission process I promised to give it 18 months.  It’s only been 3.  I am sure I will be just fine.  If only I could borrow the buddha’s patience for a little while.

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