Faith, Hope and Charity walk into a pub. Whilst they wait beside the bar to get served, Charity clears her throat and begins;
“Unfortunately I can’t afford to buy this round. After all I have 16 children and am a homeless, disabled, endangered Orca Whale. And there is a drought in Grimsby.” Charity nodded trying to encourage the agreement of the others.
“And well things are a bit tight for me see. So if you could get the drinks in this time, I will buy them next time. See I am sure my luck will change. I am due a big win. And when I get it, I swear I will look after you.” Promised Hope. Faith looked them both up and down, shook her head and got the drinks in.
Faith, Hope and Charity took a seat beside the window. As they huddled around the table Hope took an enormous swig of her beer.
“It’s alright for you.” She moaned as she wiped the foam from her chin with the back of her hand.”
“What do you mean?” Asked Charity.
“At least you have children, at least you can swim, at least you live in Grimsby.” Hope downed the rest of her beer. “What have I got eh? Nothing but hope I tell yer!”
“I’m sorry.” Sniffed Charity as she wiped a tear from her eye. “Here you go. Sounds like you need it more than me.” She passed her untouched beer to Hope.
Hope immediately guzzled down the pint in one swift action. She let out an enormous belch which shook the windows. Charity continued sniffing miserably, whilst Faith looked deep into her beer.
“And you, you have a great life.” Barked Hope in a raised voice. “You and your certainty. At least you will go to heaven. What guarantee have I got of an afterlife? Eh? All I am left with is miserable bleeding’ hope.” Hope was standing over Faith, waving a finger around like a conductor directing an orchestra, all the while eyes completely fixed on Faith’s beer.
“Fuck off you fucking arse coveter!” Whispered Faith angrily, not averting her eyes from her pint for even a second.