Tag: Poland

Goodbye Poland I’m Offski

In around two weeks time I will be packing my life into something transportable and bidding farewell to Poland and its people. After nine long years it feels somewhat unbelievable that I am really leaving. I know what I should be feeling is excitement. I should be looking to the future, spewing clichés about new chapters, rebirths and other such Buddhist nonsense. However I am not, I will be leaving Poland with a heavy heart as Poland has somehow become my home.

I am not for one minute suggesting that Poland is paradise. Far from it in fact. It is a nation so woven with contradictions that I have never openly witnessed such pliable truths. It is a land of harsh winters, cabbage obsession, catholic repression and open xenophobia. It is a land of proud people who aren’t quite proud enough to go the extra mile. It is a land of Christians who  proudly rejoice in their neighbors misfortunes. And it is a land where some of the most repulsive disgusting voices get elevated to public office.

That’s not to say it is all bad either. It is a stunning country gifted with an abundance of geographical treasures. The people are largely hospitable and kind (if there is vodka somewhere nearby). It is a country with an incredible history if you can somehow navigate the minefield of nationalist propaganda which surrounds it. And most of all it is a nation of hopeless optimists and incurable romantics.

Throughout all my years here,there has been one pervasive theme. Frustration. Progress has been incredibly slow , in part caused by the corruptible hand of bureaucracy and most often by sheer incompetence. Very little has actually changed, and those things that have, have been farcical in their execution. Sadly this trend is likely to continue for the foreseeable future.

As I wave farewell to you my dear Polska I have three wishes for you my dear. The first is that your people start taking pride in the beauty you possess and stop desecrating your body because they are too lazy to find a bin. The second wish is that your people recover from their phobias, as in all honesty, nowadays they have nothing to be afraid of. And thirdly that your government takes the vote from the over sixty-fives and closes your churches. Perhaps then, and only then you will be ready to take a great leap forwards.

Very Broad Indeed

It’s just another update but this one is slightly different, as it’s not only about book availability, it’s also about how I am broadening my horizons to help me on my path to world domination.  Or something like that.

The first thing I would like say contains three words and will probably make some of you make the same noise Scooby Do does when he is puzzled – ‘Danish Coffee Festival’.  I can hear how hard you are scratching your head from here.  Stop it, before it bleeds.    As part of the Festival which takes place in Copenhagen on the 8th and 9th of September the organisers have asked people to send in stories relating to anything and everything connected with coffee.  So I did.  You can read it here.  Entry is free to everyone, so if you have anything to say about coffee, why not submit?  After all, it is the name of black liquid magic.

The next item on the agenda is that it is true, I have started a football career.  That is football writing.  I could have been a Premier League footballer if it wasn’t for the fact that I have no desire to pay pvc clad Grandmothers for sex.  Therefore I have settled on writing football.  My first article is already on-line at a website called State of the Game.  You can read my debut article here.

I know a number of people have been asking me when ‘Existence Is Futile’ will finally be available in Poland.  I am delighted to say NOW!  Today I discovered that it is available on Kraina Ksiazek .  On the subject of the ‘Existence Is Futile’ paperback, I have to say that it is spreading through Scandinavia like rumours of a new celebrity sex video on the internet.  The awfully nice chaps at cdon.com have made it available on cdon.no, cdon.se, cdon.dk and cdon.fi.  It’s also available via another vendor in Finland – bookplus.fi  Incidentally if you happen to read any stories in the papers about a rise in the suicide rate in Finland, it has absolutely nothing to do with my book.

The first reviews of ‘Existence Is Futile’ are starting to dribble through on the electronic superhighway, and so far have been mostly positive.  If you have read ‘Existence Is Futile’ or ‘The Story of Albert Ross’ and have enjoyed them, please try to find the time to write a review, as they help me immensely.  Also I would like to remind all of you that the photo competition on Facebook is still in effect.  No winner will be declared until the 8th of September.  All you need to do is to take a photo of yourself reading ‘Existence Is Futile’ in an unusual or imaginative situation, upload it to Facebook and tag the ‘Existence Is Futile’ group.  So get snapping.  Let’s see how creative you lot really are.  Until next time.

My Disappearing Act

I haven’t posted anything for a month for two reasons.  The first is that I have been busy editing novel number two.  The second is that real life has been getting in the way.

Between various trips, visitors and damn right boring responsibilities I have had very little time to think.  After living that way for a number of weeks I have found that I am drowning in a sea of passive indifference.  It’s as if I finally understand what it is to feel normal.

In the past month I have discovered that Harold and Maude is a fantastic film, Danish people eat spunk Yes, really....and that I can’t decide if I am indecisive or not.

As Poland steels itself for EURO 2012 I must take my hat off to the homeless bums of Warsaw.  In the past few weeks many of them have managed to get their hands on a pair of crutches in time for the tournament.  Sadly the bums have shown a greater aptitude for innovation than the organisers.  If only they could have planned the whole tournament…..

That’s all for now I shall leave you with Poland’s official song for EURO 2012 Koko Koko Euro Spoko (Yes, really…)

Doing The Poznan

I am currently speeding through the countryside on an intercity train(incredibly with a digital air conditioning console and plug sockets)on my way to visit Poznan for the fourth time in my life.  For the first time in seven years travelling from Warsaw has been a stress and stench free experience.  It’s almost like Poland is starting to show the early signs of joining the 21st century.

The reason for my trip is a Frank Turner gig in Meskalina, home of the legendary Benek and the near certainty of a night of epic happiness and severe liver poisoning.  And then the party will move to Warsaw where we will do the exact same thing again.

As a hedonist who firmly believes that the liver is truly evil and that it must be punished at every opportunity, I can honestly say that Poznan is something of a spiritual holiday home.

The most notable fact is that in Warsaw people live to work, whereas in Poznan people work to live.  If I was to compare it to a British city I would probably say Manchester as amongst other things it comes alive at night and has a pretty decent football team.  If I was to compare the people to a nationality I would say Irish.  Laid back is something of an understatement.

Doing the Poznan requires more than celebrating a goal during a football match.  It requires celebrating life for no other reason than because it’s happening now.  And that my friends is something to admire.

Every Little Helps

I am aware that city life isn’t for the faint hearted.  I have read a great deal about how life in the 21st century seems to be one ultra competitive race to the coffin.  What I haven’t heard about is why exactly more and more people are turning into arseholes?

Admittedly I didn’t have an idealistic childhood.  Despite that, I did learn a thing or two when I was young.  Most notably that good manners cost nothing.

I am far from a model citizen.  I accept that I suffer from an overly liberal-minded tongue.  However if I am in a rush I will say excuse me as I push past people.  If I tread on someone inadvertently I will apologise.  If someone holds a door open for me I will say thank you.

What frustrates me the most about the apparent disappearance of manners is that I now reside in a society which is overwhelmingly Christian yet nowhere have I more keenly felt the absolute rejection of the concept of ‘loving’ your neighbour than here in Poland.  I have no idea whether manners have eroded to such an extent in other countries.  Just the very thought is disheartening.

Countless times I have met people from other countries who have a somewhat archaic view of Britain.  It seems that the common opinion is that Britain stops everything for tea, we only ever talk about the weather, our food is awful and our people are overly polite.  The very fact that our politeness stands out either says something great about our culture or says something negative about theirs.  I have lost count of the number of times I have been asked why do you say thank you for everything?  You get change in a shop you say thank you, someone holds open the door you say thank you, you get off the bus you thank the driver.  For them they can’t imagine why we do these things, for me I can’t imagine why they don’t.

I can’t speak for my country, however I can speak for myself.   I do these things for two reasons, the first is not out of any sense of moral obligation nor due to religious instruction.  I do these things because they are things I can do to make the world a little more pleasant.  And the second reason is the fact that I am not an ignorant arsehole.