Mourning Morning Is On Sale

Here it is.  D-Day.  ‘Mourning Morning’ is no longer just mine.  Before I begin my descent into post-publishing depression let me share the details with you.

‘Mourning Morning’ will, at least for the time being, be available exclusively via Amazon.  You can buy a paperback, or for you modern kids, an eBook.  The good news for those of you that are members of Kindle Prime you can now borrow the book for no cost.  It is also enrolled in the Kindle MatchBook scheme which means that if you buy the Paperback you will have the opportunity to buy the eBook at a much reduced rate.

All that is left is for me to share the links:

Buy ‘Mourning Morning’ paperback

Buy ‘Mourning Morning’ for Kindle

And once you’ve read it don’t forget to leave a review on Goodreads..

‘Mourning Morning’ on Goodreads

 

 

A Romantic Gift To You All

It’s hard to believe that this day has come around again.  The one day a year when we express our love for each other in the most crass manner possible.  It is of course the most romantic day of the calendar year, Iraqi Communist Martyrs Day.

To mark a day of such importance and to demonstrate my love for each and every one of you I have decided to give you the literary equivalent of a flash of ankle at a nunnery.  I know, I know.  I am too kind.  Are you ready?  Take a seat, turn the lights down low and prepare to high-five an imaginary me.

5

4

3

2

1

BookCoverImage

I am aware that the cover image contains more sexy than legally permitted in sixty-nine countries on this planet, therefore, I shall give you a moment to compose yourself.

Are you ready?  Let us continue.  It is time for the blurb.  For those of you that don’t know, a blurb is not a french swear word.  Although it probably should be.  A blurb is the description of the book which appears on the back cover.  It usually contains words.  Next to other words.  Here it is, for the first time ever, ladies and gentleman, Mourning Morning.

 

What if time was broken?  Would life continue as normal? Or would everything just stop?

For Norman Coleslaw, a young trainee journalist, a regular bicycle ride propels him into a week like nobody has ever experienced before.  A week free from reality, and the constraints of time.

Norman’s search for truth leads him into the path of great danger, and eventually places him nipple-to-face with the most dangerous man Miranisha has ever known, General Alain de Wilderspin.

Mourning Morning, the second novel from Scott Andrews, takes you on a riotous romp through the kind of absurd landscape which can only occur in a post-modern dictatorship.

And the best news of all, please whatever you do, do NOT explode from happiness – ‘Mourning Morning’ will go on sale next weekend, via Amazon.

I know what you are thinking.  That I have lost track of the true meaning of Iraqi Communist Martyrs Day.  That I don’t really love you, that I just want you to buy my book. Of course I want you to buy my book, but not merely because of a commercial day created to sell themed merchandise and greetings cards to the brainless masses.  I want you to buy the book because it is a good book.  Much like my other one.

Some of you out there in cyberspace may have read my first novel ‘Existence Is Futile’. Recently I had a lovely surprise when the author of the Witch Hunter trilogy, K.S. Marsden, announced her top 20 books on her website ‘The Northern Witch’s Book Blog’.  ‘Existence Is Futile’ is among them.  You can find her top 20 list right here and read her review right here.

The fact is and I have to be honest here, I know what you are thinking.  The dreaded second album.  The sequel. The second series.  You are worried that there is no way it can live up to expectations.  Let me set you straight.  I actually wrote ‘Mourning Morning’ two years before ‘Existence Is Futile’ which means that many of you have already read the dreaded second book.  Mind-blowing isn’t?  It can only mean one thing, ‘Mourning Morning’ must be even better.  Right?

By the way, just in case you missed it, here is thirty-two seconds of cinematic porn.

Have a great weekend 🙂

An Announcement More Massive Than Jungle

Ladies and Gentlemen, and the rest of you that fall somewhere along the bell curve:

It gives me great pleasure to offer you this short video presentation for your delectation. Please sit back, turn the lights down, turn the volume up, and get ready for the most magnificent news the human race has had since the invention of bacon.

If per chance, you like the video please share it.  Share it on Facebook, Twitter, in conversations, with family, with friends and most importantly with people you don’t know.

Feel free to leave any comments you may have below and to nominate me for an Oscar, if you really feel the need.

 

 

Announcing My New Book

Ladies and Gentleman, I am delighted to announce my new book ‘Vampires Love Sausage Too’ will be released on May 28th by Twickenham Press.  Rather than rant too much about how brilliant I am, why not just read the extract below.

“Is that a sausage in your mouth or are you just pleased to see me?”  Count Yussuf Larkee turned around to see a man dressed as a biker, wearing more leather than the average cow, attired with a handlebar moustache of such dimensions that it looked as if the mans lips were struggling to bear the weight of it.  The Count knew that it was now or never.  Could he tell?  Should he tell?  Inside he felt it would be wonderful if he could, even momentarily unburden himself from his secret.  But how could this man understand?  This pulsating, sweating stinking man know what it feels like to spend your whole life living a lie?  Surely there was no one on earth who felt the way he did. Something clicked in his mind, and with all the assurance of a Dodo on a diving board he took a deep breath and did the unspeakable.

“No, it’s the severed arm of a car crash victim I picked up earlier.  I’m not eating it by the way, I’m just sucking the blood out of it.  See, I’ve, erm I mean I’m, well, I, am a…”‘  mumbled the Count weakly.

”Where did you buy that sparkly eye make up, you look so good I could eat you?”‘  Before he could utter a word in response, the Count’s nerves took control and he turned into a bat.

‘Vampires Love Sausage Too’ tells the story of the first vampire to come out of the closet.  It features sequins, stereotypes, awful writing, no plotline to speak of and a great deal of homo-eroticism.  In other words it’s guaranteed to be an instant hit.  If you don’t believe me check out the great cover design some bloke, somewhere in a dark cubicle of an office made for me.

vampires

And if that doesn’t convince you, here are a few reviews from some well-known celebrities that I have never ever met and have definitely never read this book.

”A brilliantly, original concept.  If only I had Scott Andrews’ wonderful imagination.” – Stephanie Meyer

This will do to gayness what Harry Potter did for nerdiness.” – Stephen Fry

I am so proud of my son.” – Pope Francis I

You can pre-order the book direct from the publisher by clicking on this link

So there you have it, get ordering, get sparkly and get ready.  Thank you in anticipation of your support, and I look forward to your feedback.  I’m sure together we can make ‘Vampires Love Sausage Too’ a bestseller.

The Last Lap

Apologies for my inactivity, however I have been finding it really quite difficult to find the time to post.  For now I shall post a brief update and optimistically finish a longer post in the next few days.

Regarding my first novel, I have decided to keep submitting it in the hope that I can find someone interested.  I have chosen my next target and whenever I find some time I will finally send it.  If/when I receive my next rejection I will look at redrafting it.

On the NaNoWriMo front I have fallen behind schedule slightly.  I have passed 32,000 words and may potentially make 37-40k before I have to start adding scenes.  I feel that I have lost the pacing of the story which is a shame.   The deadline is looming large on the horizon, and honestly I am starting to feel the pressure.  The idea of writing 18,000 words in 11 days is a terrifying prospect.  With my better half going away for the week, I shall try doubling my output between now and next Saturday.

In previous updates I have mentioned a few words which have been pleasant surprises to me, this time I want to leave you with a sentence which makes unusual use of one of those type of words.  I am undecided as to wherever it works, none the less it’s one of my two favorite sentences from my new novel.

‘Fate, chance, lady luck or whatever label you wish to attach to whatever it is that brings such dishevelment to a man’s life can conspire to be an angel at the best of times and an absolute bastard at the worst.’