2016 – What a Year it’s been

As 2016 draws to a close thousands of talented celebrities from around the world will be crossing their fingers in desperate hope that they can hang on for a tiny bit longer.  It is irrefutable. 2016 has been a bastard to the famous.  Thankfully I am only a Y list celebrity and thus so far have been spared.

I am the one that looks considerably less cool….

I refuse to see the entire year as something all bad.  On a personal level it was a year of firsts.  I finally visited New York which was just awesome.  I threw myself out of an aeroplane without any sensible reason.  I appeared on stage for the first time, rather than my customary position in the shadows, and bizarrely people laughed.  Not at me either.  But with me.  I think.  Somehow during all of this I learned something important about myself.  The greatest of pleasures stem from escaping my own comfort zone.

This year I largely took a well earned break from writing.  I tried to write a few half-arsed ideas which all proved to be little more than brainfarts.  Eventually reality stepped in and put a boot in my bottom.  And that’s how the novelette PiSlamistan was born.  It lead me to getting a wide variety of threats and abuse, including accusations of Judaism, communism and photographs of dead babies.  It also led to the first Polish translation of my work.  So I would like to say a hearty thank you to each and every person that took the time to send me hatred.  Without you, none of this would be possible.

2016 saw the release of ‘We Are Sorry’, one of the longest running music projects I have worked on.  There were music videos to ‘God Doesn’t Love You’ and ‘Walec’.  It was both amazing and at the same time a massive relief to finally see it come to fruition as the origins of the project go back a number of years. I believe we made a huge mistake by not calling our first album ‘Greatest Hits’ as it would have saved us from ever having to record another album.

All that is left for me to say to my readers, groupies, and troll army is Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

P.S. In the spirit of the festive season the good people at Amazon have decided to give Mourning Morning away for free on the Amazon Kindle Store on Christmas Day and Boxing Day.

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Freebies and Fourbies

It’s been a while since I have posted an update on my literary babies and the odd projects that I am somehow involved in so I thought I should share some news.

On Thursday the 26th of November, to commemorate my entry into middle-life misery, Amazon will be giving away the kindle version of ‘Mourning Morning’ absolutely free.  That’s right, you can read my book without the fear of even a penny going to me.  So do it, and enjoy the fact that I am a starving, struggling, writer that lives under a bridge with a hobo called Johnny Wanxard.

To further commemorate another year survived, the price of the paperback edition of ‘Mourning Morning’ has been slashed harder than Freddy Kruger’s underwear that time he had public lice.  You can order it by clicking here.

Nook readers can now get ‘Mia’ for free, directly from the Barnes and Noble store.  You can find it right here.

For those of you in Poland.  On Saturday the 28th of November you can go and see my new band play their first live concert at the Europejskie Targi Muzyczne in Warsaw.  You, or should I say, Yu, can find all the details right here.

I rarely use this blog as a platform to ask for help, however, for once I can only to try to use it for the power of good.  In my hometown of Harlow, something terrible is happening.  The single live music venue is being closed down and it is awful news.  ‘The Square’ in Harlow, was the first place that ever gave a stage to an original song by me. The song in question was Wet Dream performed by the magnificent Dwarf Antidote. Since then a billion miles have passed, I have swapped writing angry teenage punk for uplifting Polish electro and the very venue that offered a forum for many others like me is closing down and it utterly depresses me. ‘The Square’, for most of that have inhabited the place at some point in our lives, is a sanctuary, a safe place away from alcohol-fuelled testosterone inspired pissing competitions found in nightclubs in so many towns. It has always been a place where you could be yourself, no matter how ridiculous that self is, and that for one is worth celebrating. Now we have a chance to say thank you. ‘The Square’ is in the running to be voted ‘Britain’s Best Small Venue’ by NME magazine.  Anybody can vote, regardless of location, and you can do so by clicking here.  Go on, it will only take a minute and it may well save a special place for so many people.

And if my pleas have fallen off death ears, make yourself a coffee, or pour a beer, or whatever it is you people do and watch this video which explains precisely why you should #SaveTheSquare

Mourning Morning Is On Sale

Here it is.  D-Day.  ‘Mourning Morning’ is no longer just mine.  Before I begin my descent into post-publishing depression let me share the details with you.

‘Mourning Morning’ will, at least for the time being, be available exclusively via Amazon.  You can buy a paperback, or for you modern kids, an eBook.  The good news for those of you that are members of Kindle Prime you can now borrow the book for no cost.  It is also enrolled in the Kindle MatchBook scheme which means that if you buy the Paperback you will have the opportunity to buy the eBook at a much reduced rate.

All that is left is for me to share the links:

Buy ‘Mourning Morning’ paperback

Buy ‘Mourning Morning’ for Kindle

And once you’ve read it don’t forget to leave a review on Goodreads..

‘Mourning Morning’ on Goodreads

 

 

A Romantic Gift To You All

It’s hard to believe that this day has come around again.  The one day a year when we express our love for each other in the most crass manner possible.  It is of course the most romantic day of the calendar year, Iraqi Communist Martyrs Day.

To mark a day of such importance and to demonstrate my love for each and every one of you I have decided to give you the literary equivalent of a flash of ankle at a nunnery.  I know, I know.  I am too kind.  Are you ready?  Take a seat, turn the lights down low and prepare to high-five an imaginary me.

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I am aware that the cover image contains more sexy than legally permitted in sixty-nine countries on this planet, therefore, I shall give you a moment to compose yourself.

Are you ready?  Let us continue.  It is time for the blurb.  For those of you that don’t know, a blurb is not a french swear word.  Although it probably should be.  A blurb is the description of the book which appears on the back cover.  It usually contains words.  Next to other words.  Here it is, for the first time ever, ladies and gentleman, Mourning Morning.

 

What if time was broken?  Would life continue as normal? Or would everything just stop?

For Norman Coleslaw, a young trainee journalist, a regular bicycle ride propels him into a week like nobody has ever experienced before.  A week free from reality, and the constraints of time.

Norman’s search for truth leads him into the path of great danger, and eventually places him nipple-to-face with the most dangerous man Miranisha has ever known, General Alain de Wilderspin.

Mourning Morning, the second novel from Scott Andrews, takes you on a riotous romp through the kind of absurd landscape which can only occur in a post-modern dictatorship.

And the best news of all, please whatever you do, do NOT explode from happiness – ‘Mourning Morning’ will go on sale next weekend, via Amazon.

I know what you are thinking.  That I have lost track of the true meaning of Iraqi Communist Martyrs Day.  That I don’t really love you, that I just want you to buy my book. Of course I want you to buy my book, but not merely because of a commercial day created to sell themed merchandise and greetings cards to the brainless masses.  I want you to buy the book because it is a good book.  Much like my other one.

Some of you out there in cyberspace may have read my first novel ‘Existence Is Futile’. Recently I had a lovely surprise when the author of the Witch Hunter trilogy, K.S. Marsden, announced her top 20 books on her website ‘The Northern Witch’s Book Blog’.  ‘Existence Is Futile’ is among them.  You can find her top 20 list right here and read her review right here.

The fact is and I have to be honest here, I know what you are thinking.  The dreaded second album.  The sequel. The second series.  You are worried that there is no way it can live up to expectations.  Let me set you straight.  I actually wrote ‘Mourning Morning’ two years before ‘Existence Is Futile’ which means that many of you have already read the dreaded second book.  Mind-blowing isn’t?  It can only mean one thing, ‘Mourning Morning’ must be even better.  Right?

By the way, just in case you missed it, here is thirty-two seconds of cinematic porn.

Have a great weekend 🙂

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