Summer Holidays

I’ve been quieter than a mouse trying to suppress a fart as it sneaks past a sleeping cat.  There are a myriad of uninteresting reasons for that and strangely none of them involve a potato.  Alas I am the bearer of some tidings.

For all of you buggers that read eBooks of an electronic variety and are off to lounge around the pool for a week or two sipping cocktails with the sole intention of coming back the colour of the average Essex girl in mid November, you can find practically my entire back catalogue for free throughout July right here on Smashwords.  That’s the Non-stop Dancer, PiSlamistan, Mia, All Hallows’ Eve, Existence Is Futile and the Story of Albert Ross absolutely free to your eReaders.  If you don’t do eBooks but know somebody who does share this good news.  And if you or anyone you know happens to give them a try, please don’t forget to leave a review somewhere or God will quite probably kill a kitten.

In other news, rather unlike me, I have actually been writing.  Book number three is well underway and features high commerce, gratuitous sex and mildly depressed fruit.  It is quite obviously somewhat a niche market, however, I believe that if the world has a place for dinosaur erotica, I’m going to be just fine.  In the meantime, be nice to each other and read books.

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Read an Ebook Week

Today marks the beginning of read an Ebook week.  Over on Smashwords.com they are offering an array of great titles for absolutely nothing.  As I am a massive Ebook fan I have teamed up with Smashwords to give Existence Is Futile, The Story of Albert Ross, The Non-stop Dancer, Mia, PiSlamistan and All Hallows’ Eve away for free.  The offer ends next Sunday.

Don’t worry if you don’t have an Ebook reader.  It isn’t just for the Kindle, Kobo and Nook owners.  If you have the ability to read you can read the stories through Smashwords own online reader.  If you prefer the feeling of paper in your hands you can even download them in PDF and print them.  So go forth my pretties and read read read.

You can find a list of all the titles on offer here

You can find the links to my work here

In a Bit of a Pickle

Some rather interesting news….

The gloriously absurd magazine Pickle Fork has published ‘The Non-stop Dancer’.  If you haven’t yet read it yet you ought to be ashamed.  Head over to Pickle Fork by clicking on this link and immerse yourself in the glory of spellbounding absurdity.

In the meantime I’m having a productive month and have been submitting more than Hulk Hogan.  Be good and wear trousers.  Until next time.

Character Development

I am currently completing a screenwriting course with FutureLearn and the University of East Anglia.  They asked us to post our coursework for one exercise on our personal blogs.  You will be pleased to know that Hollywood hasn’t changed me.

The exercise requires us to post an outline to a character, as I have chosen to create a new screenplay, I shall merely let you guess precisely what the story is about.

By all means share your thoughts in the comments below.

List the characters main actions.  Start from the end of the film and work backwards.

SHITS HIMSELF

GETS HIS GUN

GETS ANGRY

TRIES TO SHIT

STOPS HIS TRUCK

HAS AN ARGUMENT

VISITS DOCTOR

HAS A SHIT

 

List the characters wants and needs.

He both wants and needs a shit

He needs medical help

He needs anger management classes

 

Describe the characters self opinion.

He thinks God hates him

He is just trying to survive

He is short-tempered

 

Describe how others see him

He is uneducated

He is tired

He is a miserable prick

He is arrogant

 

List any important physical characteristics

He is rarely shaven

He has panda eyes

He is underweight

He waddles quickly, like someone in need of a shit.

 

The Fascist Demonstrations in Warsaw

I was recently invited back to appear on Level Talk with John Harrison to talk about the fascist demonstrations in Warsaw.  As someone who lived through ‘International Stay at Home Day’ in Warsaw, and who personally experienced abuse from fascists in Warsaw, I found it impossible to refuse.

Enjoy

You can listen right here

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